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This went on for a year until he cheated on me with a waitress at Steak and Shake. He’d want to have sex, and I wanted to do it too, now that I’d been defiled. He’d start spending lots of time with his friends at Paddy O’s, the perfect place to complain about your crazy girlfriend over a pint of Guinness. It feels like my butt is being jackhammered by a giant apple corer. A relationship that doesn’t allow me to be a human being with needs and preferences isn’t worth having, no matter how good it looks on the outside.But after we’d have sex, I’d feel like a slut and become that needy girl every man is afraid of. And before long, he’d stop calling and break up with me. And when you call him back, respond to everything he says with, That’s awesome! When Liam didn’t call for more than a week, I didn’t cave. I sat shivering on my futon in my drafty Victorian apartment, staring at my cordless phone, willing it to ring. Maybe I was cheating myself by not believing I deserved a man who could give me the support and attention I craved.
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